Directions Conference

Well, nobody got back to me (or my lawyer) on how I was supposed to contact the court today for our directions conference. In the end the court called me but I missed the call, twice and ended up not being able to get in touch with them so missed the meeting. I spoke to my lawyer afterwards though and she briefed me on the outcome.
Apparently my 7 year old has strong opinions about not wanting to spend more than 20 minutes with me because I shout and swear which is not true, not in that context. Yes I raise my voice occasionally when needed and may have told them to shut up on occasion when frustrated but that’s about it. J is still upset from his last visit where he and his 5 year old brother were particularly naughty and I wouldn’t tolerate it. Because I disciplined him and got upset with him he now thinks he hates me and doesn’t want to see me. Due to the timing of the court involvement, this now means that his opinion has been heard by the lawyer for child and as a result the judge has ordered a S133 report which means a psychologist has to talk to him and get to the bottom of his views of why he doesn’t want contact. He’s 7 for crying out loud. He is an emotional, grumpy, controlling 7 year old who hates not getting his own way and now his thoughts are going to be put to the court and I could potentially lose my contact with him all because he’s seething over our last visit which is still fresh in his mind. It’s not my fault he was the devil child last time I saw him but that’s the way he sees it as I was the mean Mummy who put him in time out or cut their park visit short as punishment.
I’m so upset about what the ramifications of this report could be and that J has no idea how big of a deal this is as he’s just a kid.
We are to have a round table meeting in the next few weeks to decide on my contact schedule with the children and my lawyer has put forward some suggestions for weekdays and school holidays in the interim.
Feeling quite sad about this whole situation and that J probably thinks I don’t love him and he also probably thinks he doesn’t love me. He does, but he just doesn’t know it because negativity around the last visit is still fresh in his mind.