I met with a new counsellor at the end of last year who I am opening an ACC claim with to deal with the effects of past abuse, including the BPD diagnosis. I had my first session with her today. I had to rebook from yesterday so after about 15 minutes she told me I only have a half hour appointment due to having to squeeze me in and it was all she had left. I accepted this given it’s the new year and everyone is trying to get in but it would have been good to know beforehand.
Given I only had half an hour I’ve come away feeling a bit like I don’t know what just happened. I feel like I just spewed up bits of my childhood, mental health and abuse history speed-date style and I’ve come away feeling almost dirty like I’ve opened up big wounds and exposed myself without any closure or opportunity to discuss. I also feel like she could make judgements based on the tiny snippets of my life she was let into today, that the whole picture is like a 1000 piece jigsaw that she only has 50 pieces of and that there’s just not enough time to get everything out and expect her to get the whole picture.
Driving home required a lot of concentration as I’ve been on the verge of dissociating since I left.
From my brief meetings with her she seems nice and understanding, especially in the line of trauma work, I just feel like a half hour appointment was not a good way to start, especially when I’ve been in a fragile state of mind recently and won’t see her for another week.